I never really cared or thought about my weight until after I miscarried my first baby. I gained a few pounds after that, and I would look at myself in the mirror and hate how my stomach, legs, etc looked.
And then I got pregnant with Addison, and my body really changed. After I had her I would compare how I looked then with pictures from my wedding, and I would feel lazy and chubby. My hips were wider, my ribs were pushed out, my face was not as thin, and my stomach was not flat the way it had been. Even though I got back down to my pre-baby weight, it still wasn't good enough. I wasn't at my highschool weight, or the weight that I was at when I got married.
Being pregnant always makes me a bit insecure about myself. I started showing a lot earlier this second time around, and for the past couple of weeks I have been doing the whole negative thinking routine again. Every time I look in the mirror I find something that I don't like about my body.
Today I was looking through some post baby pictures (the ones where I felt like I needed to lose weight) and I realized, I'M CRAZY! Those places that I thought were horribly disgusting somehow didn't look bad at all in the pictures. This guilt/ pressure/ feeling of never being content is completely insane. I think it is important to eat nutritious foods, and to exercise to be healthy...but then we just need to be happy with ourselves, and love ourselves.
I am sure that I will struggle with this again...especially after having baby #2. So I am writing this to remind myself that I am enough.
It won't matter in the long run if I wear the same size that I wore when I was 17. It doesn't matter if my house is completely spotless at all times. If we eat out once in a while, my family will survive. I am not a perfect wife or mother, but as long as I am doing my best and trying to improve myself I AM ENOUGH. I am a Child of God and he loves me even if I am imperfect. And that is all that matters.
4 comments:
Yes, you are!! And adorable and stinking cute on top of it.=)
I am no where near the baby stage, but I find myself thinking the same thing. Lets face it, everyone does. Its what Satan does to make us forget who we are. You are Beautiful!
oh monica I wish I were as beautiful as you! I am so jealous of how good you always look! I feel like a frumpy old lady because I can't seem to loose this last 5 lbs, you never looked like you even gained 1 lb! Don't be hard on yourself, just look at the beautiful babies you (will) have! :)
love this.
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